**This post contains topics of depression, eating disorders and suicide (fun huh?)**
Hello loves, I’m talking all things blogging today (well probably, I’ll probably go off on a tangent like I normally do).
This wonderful little corner of the internet I built for myself nearly 10(!) years ago now has been somewhat neglected over the past few years.
I originally started blogging as an escape if you will. A place to remember who I was, what I loved and just be ‘Becky’.
Way back when…
The year was 2011, I was mum to a one year old little girl. I was living in a small market town in Yorkshire, about an hour away from my friends and family. It doesn’t sound that far away does it, but neither me or my then husband drove and such is life, friends and family were busy. Visits were few and far between. The fact of the matter was; I was lonely.
Mentally, I had suffered a series of traumas the pervious year that would have a huge impact on me, in fact they still do to this day. I was in a very dark place. Compounded with the loneliness, I became very ill. I had stopped eating, I was drinking heavily and I was chronically depressed and at its worst, I was having suicidal thoughts.
I dabbled with social media while I was pregnant, but at the time I was already 29 and felt like maybe that ship had passed me by. But while my husband was working long hours, and I was becoming increasingly isolated, I took to twitter as a void to shout into, if you will.
So here I was again, now aged 31, not really sure what I was doing, but really just moaning about my life in tweet form! The weird thing was though, complete strangers started replying, offering solidarity, advice or just comfort. It was a revelation. I’d found solace in this strange wordy website.
Blogging – Where it all began…
I’m not really sure when or how I stumbled upon plus size bloggers while bemoaning my life on twitter, but somehow, I did. I didn’t really know what blogging was either. It was a kind of website, come diary, come fashion magazine. Whatever it was, I knew I loved it. There before my very eyes were women who looked like me. Wonderful fat women, living their lives, enjoying fashion, talking about things I could never talk about with my thin friends.
You see that was where it really hit. When you’re the fat friend, there are subjects your friends simply don’t understand. They tell you things like “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful” – yet inside I would be screaming “I’M BOTH!” You see, I could never understand why people hated fatness so much, why becoming fat was simply the worst fate to them.
YES! I want a bit of that…
I wanted a piece of that space these women had created. To talk about fat stuff in a safe, understanding environment. I wanted to explore my love of fashion, my personal body issues and my life in a way I felt I couldn’t in ‘normal’ society. So, long story, short, I started a blog. (Believe me, it wasn’t that simple AT ALL, but that’s what I did).
I started off blogging with some daft intro, then a stupidly short article about a handbag. But it was a start. My very first fashion article was about jumpsuits. And for those of you who have been around for a long time will know my deep, unbridled passion for jumpsuits. I’m convinced it’s some weird, George Dawes, grown baby-esque need to feel like I’m still wearing a babygrow. It’s just my safety outfit, they’re fun, a bit different, practical and blooming well stylish!
Anyway, jumpsuits aside, I felt like I’d found my crew, my gang,
Blogging – Where am I going to?
Over the many, many years, I have continued to write about clothes, fat issues and even dabbled in mental health discussion, parenting and the many of the aspects of my life. I’ve had varying degrees of success and recognition in blogging. All very wonderful, but not why I started. I literally just wanted a place to ‘be’.
So where am I going to? Honestly? I don’t know. Starting my blog awakened a love of writing. So much so, I went back to university when I was 33 and studied a degree in professional writing. And from there I have written for various magazines and websites, and eventually ended up working freelance. Mostly in social media management along with blog writing and marketing.
Even though I turned my passion into a career, blogging still remains, for the most part a hobby. And I love it for that. Would I love it to be a big part of my day-to-day job? Yes, of course, I’d love for it to earn me money. But I never want to lose sight of why I started it. I wanted to create a space, not just for me, but for other women like me who wanted an authentic, honest space to discuss the things that affect them.