I had a bit of a twitter moan this morning… Who me? Surely not?! HA! And probably shouldn’t have, but I was doing my normal social media scan when I became a bit enraged with my instagram feed. I don’t know how it happened or why I was following these folk in the first place but it seemed to be awash with weightloss pics. An endless stream of girls posting before and after pics, pictures of their baggy clothes.
Whats wrong with that you may ask? Well firstly don’t get me wrong, I would never, ever begrudge someone their weightloss, I don’t hate thin people, or people who diet. It is 100% their choice and I very much believe all bodies are good bodies. But what does irk me is those former fat folk who view their old bodies as disgusting. It’s always been a bugbear of mine that when someone loses weight and they reflect on their previous form, they do it with such disgust, like they have become a much better person now they’re thin, which in turn makes me think they must view my fat body with the same level of disgust and hatred.
Am I being paranoid? Does this speak volumes about my relationship with my body? Why should I care what they think if I’m so confident about my body? Well the fact of the matter is, there will always be a part of me that isn’t confident, and a part of me that knows as a fat woman every time I step out in public people are making judgements about me and my lifestyle based solely on my physical appearance. As time has passed and my confidence has grown, this means less and less to me and upsets me less than it did before, but a part of me will always be that insecure fat girl who constantly dressed in black, couldn’t eat in public for fear of verbal abuse and would do anything possible to fade into the background.
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| Hi, I’m fat. What’s wrong with that? |
My fat has shaped my life, it has placed me in dangerous situations, as a teenager I was bullied because of it, I have been sexually abused by men who thought I would be grateful for the attention because I wouldn’t get it elsewhere, I have been verbally abused in public, I have suffered from eating disorders and taken the most drastic steps possible in the pursuit of thin. I cannot begin to tell you how much I understand the desperate need to lose weight and be thin, because lets face it, being a fat woman is not easy, its scary and society will have you believe, the worst thing you could possibly be. But for me personally after years of dieting and eating disorders, I have made the decision to stop putting my body and mind through the constant torture, I’ve come to the conclusion that being fat isn’t all that terrible, and that I can live a full, happy and rich life at any size.
Before I embarked on this blog, or started using social media, I didn’t know what a trigger warning was, I didn’t understand the politics of fat and I thought that being thin was the only way I could make a valid contribution to the world. So what I say is, be proud of who you are, at any size, but don’t forget there are folk out there who fight battles everyday and a constant barrage of weightloss pics and comparisons to your former self aren’t always helpful. By all means, be proud of your achievement sure, but its not the sum of your parts, and repeated pics of your fantastic new body and your disgusting old fat one only serve to make you feel better about yourself.
Posted in Becky Barnes Blog, Plus Size Fashion
I loves you, I do…. xx
This post is beautiful, Becky. And so are you! Thank you for writing such simple, honest and powerful words. If I manage to have even half the confidence you currently have in my own body at some point, I'll be bloody ecstatic π
Sarah xx
Fantastic post! I've got a really good friend who has lost weight recently and has been posting on how glad she is to leave her 'fat ways' behind. She was a size 12. I wonder if she stops for a second to think about how that makes me feel when she's chatting to me about it over dinner? Luckily (thanks to blogs like this) I feel very positive about my size but I think there was a time when I'd have driven home in tears.
I get what you are saying about this topic, especially when you see people showing before and after pictures declaring hate and calling themselves names but if I am honest I don't even really blame the people doing it. Lots of people are not lucky enough to be surrounded by strong, body positive women like yourself who are able to look at their bodies without thinking what they are looking at is wrong. The one to blame in all of this is society. Statistics show that most diets won't work and within a few years the weight will be back on. It is messed up that we put ourselves through this torment. What's worse is everyone praises people when they lose weight so people see the comments as approval. Vicious circle with it all. For the first time in my life I am looking at weight loss from a completely different position and although I don't have any goal I am taking part in Plus Size fitness with some girls from America and am really enjoying it. Keep up the good work chuck and remember your blog is helping women who are desperate to be slim from the pressures of society and the media. It was all your blogs that helped me get to the point of happiness and body confidence so hopefully women will find the plus size community and feel the same xxxx
Brilliant post. I am constantly dumbfounded by the number of people around me bemoaning how fat they are – none of whom is more than a size 12. Thankfully, I have the confidence not to take it too personally and I love myself, but there will always be that little voice that says they must think I am a disgrace if they feel that way about themselves
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Thank you for your wonderfull post. Talking about such a personnel thing will not be very easy.
Whish you all the best.
Caroline
Amen to that. Thanks hon – my timeline is much the same. and although I am trying hard to lose my baby weight & get fit again after having Bert, I'm not concentrating on the scales, I'm trying to go on how I feel and how my clothes fit. I think society makes us think that fat isn't attractive, but oh my becky you are proof that bigger women can be hot as hell π I've been much the same with eating disorders and the such, and I really don't want my son to grow up with a mum full of hang ups – now I'm trying hard to leave that negativity behind me and just live a healthy life with everything in moderation. xxx
Blog post of the week! One of the reasons why I love Dawn French so much is because she always loved herself at all sizes and in interviews after the weight loss when interviewers tried to get her to put her 'old' self down she wouldn't have any of it. I agree – by all means diet – but don't ram it down everyone else's throats as it could be triggering and often it's piss boring, to boot.
It's a good time for a rant. I almost blew my stack when someone retweeted one of Katie 'Troll' Hopkins tweets about a very fat man on tv last night. I thought to myself 'Who the fuck do I follow who thinks Katie Hopkins is the voice of reason?' Unfollow. Ha. x x
What a brilliant post!! A rant does us all good from time to time. I am in the process of loosing weight but it is only because I have been put on medication for diabetes that I am changing my out look. I was happy being me before I started loosing weight and I am still happy being me now I am almost 2 dress sizes smaller. I'm never going to look back at photos of when I was bigger and hate what I see because that body gave three wonderful children and me and that body had some pretty awesome times, and no doubt me and my smaller body will continue on the same path.
Hi Becky, what a fantastic post. I agree with what you say. I have always struggled with my weight like many of us have and my weight as yo-yo'd between a size 12 and 22 and when I've starved myself down to a size 12 people are very quick to compliment me, but they also can't wait to tell me how fat and disgusting I was before. Well I'm right back where I was before (plus a bit more ) and I find it hard to forget those comments.
I am starting my journey on the self acceptance road, and I am getting much more confident, thanks mainly to your wonderful blogs and the plus size blog community. But It is a constant battle in my head between being happy as I am and the pressure to lose weight. Doesn't help that today I went to see a dr about a health issue (terrible heart burn) first thing he said.. Lose weight! Anyway…. Keeping doing your fantastic blog and keep inspiring us fatties to love ourselves as we are… Xxx
This is a great post, I nearly cried when I read the bit that said "being a fat woman…is about the worst thing you can be". I think that's how I feel because of other people, I work in an office where they run a weightloss group called 'fat club' by it's members who constantly watch each other's food and call each other fatty. They are not fat, they are very slim and it makes me feel crap, because my body is definitely fat. Why is it such a dirty word? Why should I change? I'm ok with me and if that's all you see when you look at me then I don't want you in my life xx