I had a bit of a twitter moan this morning… Who me? Surely not?! HA! And probably shouldn’t have, but I was doing my normal social media scan when I became a bit enraged with my instagram feed. I don’t know how it happened or why I was following these folk in the first place but it seemed to be awash with weightloss pics. An endless stream of girls posting before and after pics, pictures of their baggy clothes.
Whats wrong with that you may ask? Well firstly don’t get me wrong, I would never, ever begrudge someone their weightloss, I don’t hate thin people, or people who diet. It is 100% their choice and I very much believe all bodies are good bodies. But what does irk me is those former fat folk who view their old bodies as disgusting. It’s always been a bugbear of mine that when someone loses weight and they reflect on their previous form, they do it with such disgust, like they have become a much better person now they’re thin, which in turn makes me think they must view my fat body with the same level of disgust and hatred.
Am I being paranoid? Does this speak volumes about my relationship with my body? Why should I care what they think if I’m so confident about my body? Well the fact of the matter is, there will always be a part of me that isn’t confident, and a part of me that knows as a fat woman every time I step out in public people are making judgements about me and my lifestyle based solely on my physical appearance. As time has passed and my confidence has grown, this means less and less to me and upsets me less than it did before, but a part of me will always be that insecure fat girl who constantly dressed in black, couldn’t eat in public for fear of verbal abuse and would do anything possible to fade into the background.
|Hi, I’m fat. What’s wrong with that?|
My fat has shaped my life, it has placed me in dangerous situations, as a teenager I was bullied because of it, I have been sexually abused by men who thought I would be grateful for the attention because I wouldn’t get it elsewhere, I have been verbally abused in public, I have suffered from eating disorders and taken the most drastic steps possible in the pursuit of thin. I cannot begin to tell you how much I understand the desperate need to lose weight and be thin, because lets face it, being a fat woman is not easy, its scary and society will have you believe, the worst thing you could possibly be. But for me personally after years of dieting and eating disorders, I have made the decision to stop putting my body and mind through the constant torture, I’ve come to the conclusion that being fat isn’t all that terrible, and that I can live a full, happy and rich life at any size.
Before I embarked on this blog, or started using social media, I didn’t know what a trigger warning was, I didn’t understand the politics of fat and I thought that being thin was the only way I could make a valid contribution to the world. So what I say is, be proud of who you are, at any size, but don’t forget there are folk out there who fight battles everyday and a constant barrage of weightloss pics and comparisons to your former self aren’t always helpful. By all means, be proud of your achievement sure, but its not the sum of your parts, and repeated pics of your fantastic new body and your disgusting old fat one only serve to make you feel better about yourself.