I’d like to introduce the first of my guest posts. Simon and I have been social media buddies forever and I love his honesty around mental health. Men’s mental health is still such a taboo subject yet it is a very real threat to the lives of men. It’s more important than ever for every one to feel comfortable and safe enough to talk about mental health.
If you’d like to catch up with the first of these posts on mental health, click here.
My
Mental Health World.
Mental Health World.
I am a man.
I have social anxiety.
I sometimes have bouts of depression.
I take medication.
I am 39 years old.
None of this is unusual.
I’ve never been shy talking about how I feel
& therefore my mental health problems. I wear my heart on my sleeve, my
chest, my face dammit & I’ll not change now. Just by talking I’m able to
face the fact things are wrong and I can fix them. It’s been eye-opening the
amount of people, men & women, who have come to me in private speaking of
their own issues & telling me to carry on talking. Mental Health is
certainly nothing new, nor am I cursed with the worst of it, but it affects us
all differently; nobody should be afraid to talk or admit they have an issue.
& therefore my mental health problems. I wear my heart on my sleeve, my
chest, my face dammit & I’ll not change now. Just by talking I’m able to
face the fact things are wrong and I can fix them. It’s been eye-opening the
amount of people, men & women, who have come to me in private speaking of
their own issues & telling me to carry on talking. Mental Health is
certainly nothing new, nor am I cursed with the worst of it, but it affects us
all differently; nobody should be afraid to talk or admit they have an issue.
I’m not a ‘bloke’, a ‘man’s man’ so the
stigma of not talking about my feelings never occurred to me. Over the last
couple of years have found so many things to help me; yes I’m a big believer in
taking my medication, I know they help me. I spend a lot of time colouring-in;
who knew how big a business it was! I have such a wonderful group of people
around me, some I’ve never met face to face but who care how I am &
regularly ask about my state of mind.
stigma of not talking about my feelings never occurred to me. Over the last
couple of years have found so many things to help me; yes I’m a big believer in
taking my medication, I know they help me. I spend a lot of time colouring-in;
who knew how big a business it was! I have such a wonderful group of people
around me, some I’ve never met face to face but who care how I am &
regularly ask about my state of mind.
My suggestion to everybody I talk to is
simply that: Talk.
simply that: Talk.
How I
‘got mental’
‘got mental’
I think it has always been there really, my
mental health problems, I just thought of it as me being difficult or ‘hating
people’. Just over two years ago though I had an accident at work & I
collapsed in a busy bar leading to severe concussion.
mental health problems, I just thought of it as me being difficult or ‘hating
people’. Just over two years ago though I had an accident at work & I
collapsed in a busy bar leading to severe concussion.
The return to work after this was beset upon
by panic attacks, jitters & a fear of even leaving the house somedays. I
was eventually prescribed a small handful of drugs & signed off sick;
originally for two weeks but which in the end lasted about three months.
by panic attacks, jitters & a fear of even leaving the house somedays. I
was eventually prescribed a small handful of drugs & signed off sick;
originally for two weeks but which in the end lasted about three months.
I was a manager in hospitality; restaurants,
bars, hotels etc. I’d done this for over 20 years in busy venues so to suddenly
be unable to cope with people or sometimes even leaving the house was something
of a problem.
bars, hotels etc. I’d done this for over 20 years in busy venues so to suddenly
be unable to cope with people or sometimes even leaving the house was something
of a problem.
Needless to say my job role had to change,
but my brilliant employers, lead by one individual in particular, amended my
work to best suit my needs and I became a part-time roaming manager. Less
customer contact, more happy Simon.
but my brilliant employers, lead by one individual in particular, amended my
work to best suit my needs and I became a part-time roaming manager. Less
customer contact, more happy Simon.
Things changed & I improved. The business
changed & I moved on, but after 18 months of drugs & gentle building
work I felt ready to return to full-time restaurant management. Last Spring I
did just this in Manchester city centre. Sadly it was not to be. Despite an
enjoyable Summer, I struggled with the daily stress of serving customers &
had my usual dark voice in my head “They think you’re a dick!”. A couple of
panic attacks later, I took some time to get myself together. After having a
short break with my wife I returned in the mindframe I could not continue down
my career.
changed & I moved on, but after 18 months of drugs & gentle building
work I felt ready to return to full-time restaurant management. Last Spring I
did just this in Manchester city centre. Sadly it was not to be. Despite an
enjoyable Summer, I struggled with the daily stress of serving customers &
had my usual dark voice in my head “They think you’re a dick!”. A couple of
panic attacks later, I took some time to get myself together. After having a
short break with my wife I returned in the mindframe I could not continue down
my career.
No more customers. No more service. No more
unexpected situations. I had not felt this relieved in years after making this
conclusion. I November I gave the bad news & walked away from hospitality
management forever. But I was happy, focussed on getting ‘better’ & looking
forward to whatever came next.
unexpected situations. I had not felt this relieved in years after making this
conclusion. I November I gave the bad news & walked away from hospitality
management forever. But I was happy, focussed on getting ‘better’ & looking
forward to whatever came next.
Unusually for me, I continued to struggle
mentally with social anxiety. So for the first time I sought help & got
counselling. It is used too often but this really was life-changing. I
discovered the uses & techniques of CBT and found tools that while making
sense to me, also made a massive difference on my day to day life. I found the
positivity & direction I needed to go back into the world. I’m working
again, part time, in a closed-environment role away from people & service
and I couldn’t be happier.
mentally with social anxiety. So for the first time I sought help & got
counselling. It is used too often but this really was life-changing. I
discovered the uses & techniques of CBT and found tools that while making
sense to me, also made a massive difference on my day to day life. I found the
positivity & direction I needed to go back into the world. I’m working
again, part time, in a closed-environment role away from people & service
and I couldn’t be happier.
I’ll always talk about the shit in my head.
We all should. Somebody will always listen.
We all should. Somebody will always listen.
Posted in Becky Barnes Blog, Lifestyle